this is the story

of my life. my life as it usually is. it is a sad, sad thing. my clumsiness, plus my brother's evilness...it equals disaster.

Anyway, I simply wanted to inform you of how my life has taken a turn for the worse in recent days. On Sunday afternoon, before we ate lunch, I was munching on cucumbers. Simply minding my own business. In fact, I was being obedient! My parents had actually TOLD me to eat those cucumbers! Anyway, these were vinegar-soaked cucumber slices. And being the um..frugal person that I am, I did not feel a need to waste a perfectly clean plate on cucumber slices, and therefore I simply ate them out of the container (which was filled almost to the top with vinegar). As I was contentedly enjoying these cucumbers, my brother, Benjamin, decided that he wanted some. SO HE TRIED TO STEAL ONE!!! As you can imagine, I was not pleased by this outburst. In fact, I was quite DISpleased. Therefore, I tried to protect my precious vegetables. In the process of performing this noble deed, I.........spilled the vinegar all over my lap. IT BURNS REALLY BAD, PEOPLE! Vinegar and skin are not meant to come in contact with one another!!! Plus, this vinegar spilled all over the counter and the floor, as well. For a few moments I simply sat there in shock. But then I felt compelled to clean up this mess. Well, actually, my parents told me to....while they laughed at me. (In a good-natured way. Although Ben, on the other hand, I am sure was laughing at me quite evilly, thinking "HA! my plan worked!"). Anyway, I cleaned up the vinegar and washed my legs off, and returned to my normal routine.

Then, on Sunday evening, after church, I attended an afterglow. At this afterglow, there was food. And this food was meant to be placed on a plate. A styrofoam plate. I chose to consume (or at least, I desired to consume) Skittles, Sour Skittles, M&M's, two cookies, and some Doritos. I placed them on a plate. A styrofoam plate. I ate several Skittles, and possibly a few M&M's. I calmly (well, as calmly as possible at an afterglow) followed my dear friends downstairs and outside. Once we had reached our desired destination (the patio), we (Bri, Laura, and I) stood there and had a lovely conversation (well, actually I don't remember what it was about...but I'm sure it was lovely). Whatever the conversation, at some point, Bri said something worthy of a hi-5, and therefore, being the good friend that I am, I eagerly gave her one! Or at least, I tried to do so. Unfortunately, my plate, a styrofoam plate, got in the way of my hand, and I inadvertantly flung its contents all over my dear friend, Bri. I felt quite embarrassed. Not to mention the fact that I lost all of my food except one cookie that Bri somehow managed to catch. Thank you, Bri, and I am terribly sorry for this mishap.

Saturday, I got our lawnmower stuck in a ditch.

Tonight, I was instructed to carry the leftover soup from tonight's dinner to the downstairs refrigerator. I was in the process of doing so when I noticed Ben's evil smile. I then noticed my iPod sitting next to him. Therefore I calmly told him, "DON'T TOUCH MY IPOD!!!!". At this, his face fell noticeably. Then he decided to torture me by following behind me as I ventured down to the basement. It was quite annoying, the paranoia that he might, at any moment, tickle me as I carried this large pot of soup. But that was the least of my worries. Along the way to the refrigerator, he discovered a dead lizard. He picked it up and teased me about it (although he somehow thought it was a frog...) until I was paranoid that he would shove it in my face. Therefore I ran the rest of the way to the refrigerator. As soon as my back was turned to put the pot of soup in its rightful place, apparently, Ben tossed this lizard onto the top of my head. I did not notice this. As soon as the pot was safely on a shelf, I whipped around to make sure the lizard was still where it should be - in Ben's hand. It was not. Seeing this, and Ben's evil smile and hysterical laughter, I screamed and jumped up and down and shook my head to rid it of this disgusting thing. It fell on the floor, and I was immediately quite angry with my...ahem...dear brother. Therefore I grabbed a 2x4 (except that it wasn't a 2x4 because it was shorter...but I do not know the exact measurements) and chased Ben around the basement and eventually upstairs with it. Then he proceeded to lock himself in his room until I gave up. Later, as he told our mother about this occurance, she told me, "Homicide is not the answer." A wise piece of advice that every human being should heed.

I am sorry if i have bored you with all of these stories. but i simply thought it might be funny to other people who have not had the...ahem...pleasure of experiences such as these. And keep in mind, that this sort of thing happens to me on a regular basis. If you are ever bored, simply ask me if i have had any klutzy or odd experiences, and i will be happy to entertain you for a couple of hours.

well, ipml!! :)

~beth